A Better Way

You have all probably heard the expression, there's got to be a better way... or for us homeschoolers or homeschoolers-at-heart, or just grammar lovers... "There has to be a better way"  :)  Well, it's true. There definitely has to be a better way. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I know that I just don't have it in me to do much else. I know it's a combination of things. So here goes...

It's cold. And it's overcast most of the time. This really does effect me. I don't understand why, and no amount of mental gymnastics, prayer, etc seems to get me past that. I have something called SAD, seasonal affective disorder. Basically, in short, the seasons effect my mood. It also effects my body somehow. As I said, I don't really understand it, but I just don't have it in me to do everything I need to do. I know it sounds like I should just "get over it" or "snap out of it" or "give it up" as my father was so fond of saying, but I have tried. Believe me, I wish I wasn't this way.

Anyway, aside from that "invisible" disorder, I also have chronic fatigue. From what I understand, the two often go hand in hand. It's an autoimmune thing (please forgive my lack of medical-ese, but I have never been good at understanding how the body's processes work) that basically causes me to collapse if I do too much at a time. It's happened, although usually in the winter. I passed out once, but usually I just collapse from exhaustion from doing something most normal people can do every day.

So that's two "invisible" things. Now for the "visible" stuff. I have three kids, one of whom is still just five. That's exhausting on its own, LOL. My mom also lives with me, and she has lupus. What that means is her body's systems fight against each other, causing her pain and other diseases inside her body, such as fibromyalgia and chrones. So much of the time, I am taking care of her, as well.

As we know, I am a single mom, which means I have to work. I am a transcriptionist, and I work from home, but still... work is work and it takes time. And because I work for myself, time is literally money. I can't just "do it later" because later it's too loud for me to hear the file I'm supposed to be typing. So I work while the kids are in school.

By the time night comes, I am tired. Actually, around 3 pm I am tired. But I push through. I cook dinner, usually. I clean up after dinner, most times. Thankfully my kids can shower themselves now, but the little guy still needs supervision, otherwise he will say he's washed, but really he just played :)  I have also helped the kids with homework, folded laundry (hopefully), and all the other things all other moms do every day.

Finally, the kids go to bed. I want to pass out. I still have to shower. Sometimes I still have work to do. Not to mention when do I clean the bathrooms, change sheets, mop the floors, etc, etc, etc. On the weekends, my kids go to their father, about 2-3 weekends a month. He's 2.5 hours away, and I do the driving. So those weekends are shot, driving 5 hrs a day wipes me beyond reason.

Sometimes I will do the grocery shopping on my way home from dropping them off. Sometimes I can't walk after being in the car for 5 hours. :(  Sometimes I will work, if I have work. Sometimes there is no work to be had on the weekends, and I try to push myself to do any of the many tasks that just sit undone.

Sometimes I just cry.

There has GOT to be a better way. (Please forgive the grammatical error, however I really feel it fits!) I am so tired. ALL. THE. TIME. I am sorry, this is really just a rant, but sometimes I just have to get it out.

We went to go see my father who lives in a warmer climate just last week. I was able to do everything I normally do, and more, while we were there. I cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids, took them to the park, and many other fun things. I didn't have to work, granted, but I had energy. Was it the fact that I was away, is my house draining me?

Or was it the warm, sunny weather? Even sitting in the car for hours upon hours did not drain me the way it normally does here. I live in an area where we get about 3 or 3.5 warm months a year. We have four seasons, they are: almost winter, winter, still winter but slightly warmer, and spring/summer. We can get snow from October until May. Many of those months are completely overcast. And one summer, it rained for two months! I was severely disappointed that year.

Anyway, as I said, I am really probably just ranting. But if you have any ideas, or you live with SAD or chronic fatigue and have tips or tricks on what works for you, I would love to hear them.

God's blessings!
One Christian Mom